You are so ugly. You're not that smart either. And really, do you even have any talents? You're nobody, really. Compared to most people, you are not all that great and should try to stay out of the way of those that are smarter than you. You can't get a raise at work because you don't deserve it, and even if you did, why would something that good happen to you? Nothing good EVER happens to you. You are worthless.
OR ARE YOU?
Would you be OK with someone telling you those things? I pray that you wouldn't and I believe that you are better than that. Yet I can't tell you how often it is that I hear these things. Who is it that would be so rude to bring you down like this? Who would dare to say such things to you??? The answer is....you.
That's right, you are the one who sabotages any glimmer of hope within yourself. You are the only one that you would allow these defaming comments to come from. These comments that will have such catastrophic consequences to your self esteem. You are the one that destroys your own hopes and dreams and prevents your future growth.
Don't believe that you would do that to yourself? Think about it. When most people receive a compliment about their looks, what is one of the most frequent responses? The natural response seems to be to object to the compliment. Someone says, "You are so beautiful!" and somehow we tend to respond with, "Uhh...not really, but thanks." Or another one I hear all too often is, "You are so smart!" and without thinking twice we respond with, "Oh trust me, no I'm not." How about the person wanting that pay raise at work? Many people will tell themselves there's not a chance in the world that they'll get it, so why even ask. The question we should ask is, WHY NOT!
How do I know this is a rising problem?? Because I, too, have been a victim of this self abuse. But do we realize that we're subconsciously telling ourselves that we aren't good enough? I don't think we realize that we are so self destructive. I don't think we even fully believe the things that we let slip out of our mouth. I think that many of the people that will argue a compliment away, actually have some idea of how great they are. I think that most people have had a moment or two when looking in the mirror, that they have believed that they were beautiful. And many who will not ask for a raise, secretly believe that they truly do deserve it. I also believe the same about people arguing that they aren't smart. We all at one moment or another have realized our true potential, yet we are the first to tell ourselves the opposite and shoot down our own dreams.
We MUST teach ourselves to accept the positive feedback that we receive from others. When we disagree and argue the compliments away, we are sending our subconscious a message that our subconscious then places into a folder called self esteem. After a while our file starts to get bigger and bigger and filled with more and more negative, self loathing comments, that we ourselves placed there. Eventually we have nothing else in our self esteem folder to tell us that we are worth it. The only thing we have stored is the self demoting thoughts that we've programmed ourselves to think. How can you stand up against the world when you are your own worst enemy?
We have to re-train ourselves. You must learn that it is OK to accept a compliment. Nobody is going to think you are a conceited jerk for saying a simple "Thank you" when you are told something nice. Nobody will think you are stupid for working hard and then asking for a raise. In fact people will start to notice you differently if you are willing to believe in yourself even when others don't.
Accept compliments and realize your worth. By accepting the positive, even if it is just with a smile or some small gratitude filled comment, you add to your self esteem folder. And if done frequently enough, your folder will be full of the best ammunition that you might later need when maybe someone other than yourself is doing the insulting.
Remember that compliment rejection is self rejection, and you deserve more than that. So remember: You are BEAUTIFUL! You are SMART! You are FABULOUS! You are WORTH it! You can ACHIEVE anything you want! And last but not least, you are worth saying THANK YOU when you get these compliments! :)
. . .
I wish I could say thank you to my fathers friend who taught me this lesson when I was about 13 years old. It has been one of the most valuable lessons that I hope I never forget. Here is what I learned from him:
One late evening I was sitting at a table in my living room, building a little house out of clay for a project I was working on. My fathers friend told me that I was very creative and smart, and I quickly disagreed. I had an automatic rejection to the positive compliment and I didn't even realize I was doing it. He sat there quietly for a moment and I went back to building my clay house. After a minute or so of silence he turned to me and said, "You're right, you are dumb." I wanted to crawl into a hole and bawl like a newborn baby. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I'm sure he could see the pain in my face. I told him that he was rude and then tried my best to choke back my tears. He was quiet again for a moment letting my anger build and hurt settle in. Then he turned to me with love in his face and told me that I am NOT dumb at all, and if I am not so willing to accept a hurtful comment from someone else, then I definitely shouldn't accept it from myself. He told me, "How can you expect someone to believe in you when you wont believe in yourself?"
In that moment, my subconscious might not have been magically transformed, nor did all of my negative comments from my file disappear. But a new file had been created that day. One that would affect me for the rest of my life. One that I rely on a lot when I catch myself slipping into those useless, self loathing ways again. I sometimes still reject the positive feedback that others give to me, because lets face it, habits are hard to break. But over the years I've grown to say thank you more and argue less. It takes time to change our damaging ways of thinking, but I know that it can be done. I know because each time I respond with gratitude, my positive self confidence folder grows a little, making the next "thank you" a bit easier to say.
Thanks for reading! :) -Vivacious V
OR ARE YOU?
Would you be OK with someone telling you those things? I pray that you wouldn't and I believe that you are better than that. Yet I can't tell you how often it is that I hear these things. Who is it that would be so rude to bring you down like this? Who would dare to say such things to you??? The answer is....you.
That's right, you are the one who sabotages any glimmer of hope within yourself. You are the only one that you would allow these defaming comments to come from. These comments that will have such catastrophic consequences to your self esteem. You are the one that destroys your own hopes and dreams and prevents your future growth.
Don't believe that you would do that to yourself? Think about it. When most people receive a compliment about their looks, what is one of the most frequent responses? The natural response seems to be to object to the compliment. Someone says, "You are so beautiful!" and somehow we tend to respond with, "Uhh...not really, but thanks." Or another one I hear all too often is, "You are so smart!" and without thinking twice we respond with, "Oh trust me, no I'm not." How about the person wanting that pay raise at work? Many people will tell themselves there's not a chance in the world that they'll get it, so why even ask. The question we should ask is, WHY NOT!
How do I know this is a rising problem?? Because I, too, have been a victim of this self abuse. But do we realize that we're subconsciously telling ourselves that we aren't good enough? I don't think we realize that we are so self destructive. I don't think we even fully believe the things that we let slip out of our mouth. I think that many of the people that will argue a compliment away, actually have some idea of how great they are. I think that most people have had a moment or two when looking in the mirror, that they have believed that they were beautiful. And many who will not ask for a raise, secretly believe that they truly do deserve it. I also believe the same about people arguing that they aren't smart. We all at one moment or another have realized our true potential, yet we are the first to tell ourselves the opposite and shoot down our own dreams.
We MUST teach ourselves to accept the positive feedback that we receive from others. When we disagree and argue the compliments away, we are sending our subconscious a message that our subconscious then places into a folder called self esteem. After a while our file starts to get bigger and bigger and filled with more and more negative, self loathing comments, that we ourselves placed there. Eventually we have nothing else in our self esteem folder to tell us that we are worth it. The only thing we have stored is the self demoting thoughts that we've programmed ourselves to think. How can you stand up against the world when you are your own worst enemy?
We have to re-train ourselves. You must learn that it is OK to accept a compliment. Nobody is going to think you are a conceited jerk for saying a simple "Thank you" when you are told something nice. Nobody will think you are stupid for working hard and then asking for a raise. In fact people will start to notice you differently if you are willing to believe in yourself even when others don't.
Accept compliments and realize your worth. By accepting the positive, even if it is just with a smile or some small gratitude filled comment, you add to your self esteem folder. And if done frequently enough, your folder will be full of the best ammunition that you might later need when maybe someone other than yourself is doing the insulting.
Remember that compliment rejection is self rejection, and you deserve more than that. So remember: You are BEAUTIFUL! You are SMART! You are FABULOUS! You are WORTH it! You can ACHIEVE anything you want! And last but not least, you are worth saying THANK YOU when you get these compliments! :)
. . .
I wish I could say thank you to my fathers friend who taught me this lesson when I was about 13 years old. It has been one of the most valuable lessons that I hope I never forget. Here is what I learned from him:
One late evening I was sitting at a table in my living room, building a little house out of clay for a project I was working on. My fathers friend told me that I was very creative and smart, and I quickly disagreed. I had an automatic rejection to the positive compliment and I didn't even realize I was doing it. He sat there quietly for a moment and I went back to building my clay house. After a minute or so of silence he turned to me and said, "You're right, you are dumb." I wanted to crawl into a hole and bawl like a newborn baby. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I'm sure he could see the pain in my face. I told him that he was rude and then tried my best to choke back my tears. He was quiet again for a moment letting my anger build and hurt settle in. Then he turned to me with love in his face and told me that I am NOT dumb at all, and if I am not so willing to accept a hurtful comment from someone else, then I definitely shouldn't accept it from myself. He told me, "How can you expect someone to believe in you when you wont believe in yourself?"
In that moment, my subconscious might not have been magically transformed, nor did all of my negative comments from my file disappear. But a new file had been created that day. One that would affect me for the rest of my life. One that I rely on a lot when I catch myself slipping into those useless, self loathing ways again. I sometimes still reject the positive feedback that others give to me, because lets face it, habits are hard to break. But over the years I've grown to say thank you more and argue less. It takes time to change our damaging ways of thinking, but I know that it can be done. I know because each time I respond with gratitude, my positive self confidence folder grows a little, making the next "thank you" a bit easier to say.
Thanks for reading! :) -Vivacious V
